So this is the Skyrim, full with sexual references and everything! In MONO!
Monthly Archives: May 2012
So, the other day I was looking at the weekend box office, and I noticed something that really made me smile. The big budget movie called Battleship, ranked number two in the box office, only made 25.5 million dollars. It’s budget, 209 million dollars. When I first heard there was going to be a movie based on the board game, battleship, I raised an eyebrow, just like anyone else would. I first I thought, “why?” But the movie can actually be good, if done right. Then, I saw the trailer, and I thought this movie looks so stupid, it’s retarded. Hasbro is just trying to capatilize on the Transformers movie fanbase out there by making another movie that kinda looks like it. The thing is, why would anyone make a movie that is based on a board game of naval warfare, and have the plot be about an alien invasion, where the aliens’ starships kinda looks like something you’d see out of Transformers?
Now, as we all know Transformers is quite a successful movie, at least financially. Dark of the Moon made 350 million domestically with a budget of 195 million dollars. So, why wouldn’t a movie that is just like Transformers work? Because the movie isn’t Transformers. Michael Bay, even though so many people hate the guy, is a great action director. He knows how to make things look cool, and even having them look freaking awesome. The movie also follows the basic story of the cartoon/comics/toys, which is alien robotic races battling it out on Earth. Battleship is a board game of naval warfare. It’s two players with a bunch of naval battleships, guessing where their opponents ships are, and destroying the opponent’s fleet. It does not have aliens invading Earth, in fact, it never really had a story behind it, other than two fleets battling. Why couldn’t they make an alternate reality where it is about two countries at war, and the navy was the main focus of the movie? Because Hollywood just can’t make anything original. They mus copy off of other very successful movies.
I’m hoping this will be a wake-up call to Hasbro. With only making 25.5 million dollars on its opening weekend, and with the Avengers still number one in the box office, along with movies such as Men In Black 3, Snow White and the Huntsman, and Prometheus coming up, the chance of the movie even making its 209 million dollars back looks really slim. They should just make movies that is actually based on their products rather than recycling them and putting different labels on them. However, knowing Hollywood’s infamous history for the past twenty years, they’ll most likely not pay attention and make a chutes and ladders movie that involves climbing to the moon and fight some martians.
VaderFan signing out, and choking the hell out of Hasbro.
… OK, so my friend texted me during work to see a movie, and I said sure. He sent me a second text a few minutes later, but I didn’t get it until after work. It said “I’m thinking of Dark Shadows”. I cringed at the thought of this movie, since I just don’t like Tim Burton. Don’t get me wrong, I liked some of his early works like Beetle Juice, and all the claymation he’s done. When I saw the Dark Shadows trailer some time ago, I’m just thinking how bad it’ll be, but I’m always willing to give someone another chance.
The beginning of the movie got me hooked. It was dark and gritty, and when Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) turned into a vampire, the imagery was like an omage to the classic vampire films, back when they were cool. Not only that, the very first scene was in Liverpool. So, I’m just thinking this movie was actually gonna be good, and it’s a good thing that I give people extra chances. I couldn’t be more wrong.
After the beginning, the entire plot of the movie was just scattered, it’s almost like Tim Burton has ADD. First I thought it was about Barnabas, then I thought it was about Victoria Winters (Bella Heathecote) and her connection between Josette, Barnabas’ love of his life, and seeing ghosts, then it’s about getting the family business back, to revenge, then the father cheating on his wife, and a werewolf, it was all over the place! There really is no plot at all in this movie, and the jokes were just chuckles, if not just plain dull. The parts I did laugh weren’t even jokes, just something stupid I saw in the movie.
Johnny Depp’s performance did make the movie, anyone can tell he had fun playing as the character. Eva Green, who played the jealous witch, Angelique Bouchard, was also funny in the movie. She played that hot sexy bitch, that any guy would like to bang, but never want to be with her. Other than the two actors, nothing else really was that good in the movie. If the plot was more steady, instead of being scattered, it’ll been a whole lot better. Only see it if you’re a big Tim Burton fan, and must see every movie that he made. Other than that, it’s no that much worth of a watch.
VaderFan signing out, and choking Tim Burton
Summer has started, and that means it is time to see all the mega hit blockbusters with super awesome action scenes, big name stars, and hopefully a somewhat decent plot. However, this year is quite different from other years, being that there are a ton of movies that are mainly directed at the nerd/geek culture.
Hunger Games came out during April, and it is a nerd movie, being based on a novel set in an alternate reality with some sci-fi elements, and a cult following. But, I don’t really consider the summer of nerd really starting until The Avengers, which came out not too long ago. I’ll put it down and say this movie is freaking fantastic, and if you haven’t seen this movie, then stop reading this and go watch it RIGHT NOW! A mega blockbuster hit, made 200 million dollars over the weekend, and I had the ultimate nerdgasm just watching this movie. But, that is just the beginning of the nerdgasm I’ll be experiencing this summer.
The next movie to be mentioned would be Prometheus. Any nerd/geek will be watching it for only reasons a nerd/geek would know for at least two reasons: 1. It’s the prequel to Alien, and 2. Ridley Scott is returning to sci-fi. If that is not a good enough reason to see the movie, well the latest trailer that was showcased before The Avengers should be enough. Ridley Scott, as many should know, directed the mega-cult sci-fi film, Blade Runner, and Alien. Both films are what put him on the map as a director, which led him to direct Oscar worthy films. Now, having him coming back to sci-fi is a dream come true for any sci-fi fans, especially those who is a fan of the Alien series. This movie will solve all the questions that were left unanswered in Alien, such as the origin of the space jockey, and maybe where the xenomorphs came from. This’ll definately be another nergasm that’ll blow in people faces.
Of course, we can’t go talking about nerd movies this summer without mentioning The Dark Knight Rises. Many considered The Dark Knight to be the greatest comic book film ever made, except for The Avengers, but the thing is, it actually be argued that it is still the greatest comic book film ever made. It was dark, gritty, it had great character development not just from one, but all the characters, an overall theme, and nobody can’t argue with the exceptional performance of Heath Ledger as the Joker. This is all due to the fact of the great directorial work that Cristopher Nolan brings to the table, combining his background in making artful movies to bringing realism and believability to the comic book film. And the trailers, the latest also being shown before The Avengers, shows nothing but promise. It’s going to be more dark, Bane may be a much bigger villain than the Joker was, explosions, people dying left and right, Catwoman, and the only thing I can think of just watching these trailers is Batman’s downfall.
The films I mentioned above are the three biggest this summer, and it already kicked off with the incredible showing of The Avengers. Now, we got some other honorable mentions such as Men In Black 3, Pixar’s Brave, GI Joe, and Total Recall. Believe me, by the end of summer I’ll be lipping for many months. I’m pretty sure I didn’t forget to mention any other nerd movie this year, but if I did, please comment.
Oh, screw Battleship!
Like many video game aficionados, I’ve wanted to make video games for a very long time. One thing I’ve learned from working in a video games retailer for many years is that everyone has opinions on the games they play. More so, most have their own ideas clinking around their minds for their own games (Most of which… well, they aren’t too good). Likewise I’ve had many of my own ideas tumbling around my easily distracted brainspace. I am constantly pulling out one of my many notebooks to revise or continue ideas for level up systems, fantasy/sci-fi settings, or whatever else comes to mind; sometimes even poetry (Go ahead: Call me a sap!). At any rate, this compulsion leads me to take advantage of my employee privilege to be able to take a game from the store home to play from an academic standpoint. I’ll play a game just to see how they do certain things (i.e. level up system, camera, combos et cetera). I’m writing this because there was one such game that I’ve been wanting to play for some time now and just played the first half-hour or so.
This game would be: (wait for it) … Venetica! Okay, so I know your’e wondering: “What the hell is Venetica? I’ve never heard of that!” Well, to answer your inquisitive mind, Venetica is an RPG set in “a fantastical Venice.” You play as Scarlett who, within the amount of the game I’ve played so far, has lost her would-be husband to assassins who’ve attacked her village. She dreams of Death telling her to find the infamous ‘Moonblade’ which you learn later is fabled to be able to kill the undead. You learn that her parents mysteriously dropped her off with the woman she was raised by, and that she somehow doesn’t quite die so easily as being stabbed in the back. Now, all this sounds great and all which was part of the reason I picked it up. The main reason I picked it up was for the fact that I had never heard of any of the companies listed on its covers. These include: Rombax Games (which seems to be a subsidiary of ZOO Games), Deck 13 Interactive, and dtp entertainment AG. I continued then to peruse my way through its instruction manual, which held my first clue (originally overlooked, of course) that this games production value was very low. On page 12 of Venetica’s instruction manual you’ll notice that there’s a screenshot to show the layout of the game’s HUD that has a whole section on the right cut off.
The meat and the potatoes (POH-TAY-TOES!). Earlier tonight I finally get home from work and am able to load up the game to try it. The game quickly introduces the story and basic gameplay mechanics. Now I had already gone into the menu to up the sensitivity, my usual minhag, but the camera was unbelievably disorienting. So I quickly drop it down to 35 percent, which seemed most comfortable. This game has you starting the combat using a fire poker which does little damage, and I’m still not sure if there’s a ‘Block’ button (I probably wouldn’t use it anyway). After getting used to the annoying camera and clunky combat, I make it through the intro to a somewhat open part of the village that was attacked the night previous. Everyone is telling me how I should leave since the assassins were all looking for moi. I’m still walking around in a night gown btdubs. So I get some clothes that I basically stole from the blacksmith’s daughter, and begin my adventure through the surrounding area. I quickly find someone who was mentioned in the town that I have to help out of a fight. Next, I come across a house that two relative are squabbling over to get the will from the house. I talk to them and they warn me that their uncle was a trickster and that there would probably be a puzzle to figure out. Under their feet are blatantly protruding square step-stones (we’re in the middle of the forest btdubs) that I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to interact with. I quickly give up on that venture. I walk around the woods a little longer when I come across a couple assassins that I imagine will be an easy encounter. They weren’t, despite my having found a better sword. I die. The ‘You Died’ screen showed up making me think: “Oh, well I’m sure the game automatically saved at some point.” Next, the ‘Load Game or Quit’ screen shows up and guess what: NO SAVE! Not even an autosave after the opening cinematic or even the tutorial section. And to think: I was really excited to see how the level up system was laid out, and I really wanted to see where her dad and Death were going to come into the story. Oh well, too bad.
I guess my whole point in sharing this experience is in hopes that I will never forget it for the future when my skills are more ‘leveled up’ and I can make a game. To the indie game developers out there: No matter how awesome your level up system is or your super awesome Do-Hickey Do-Dad of super Phantasmagorical Elephantiasis is: DON’T FORGET THE BASICS! If your controls suck, or your camera fidgety, or your story bland and boring, I won’t want to play it. And even more so, this game truly makes me feel that once I gain those previously mentioned skills that I lack,; That I WILL make some interactive experiences of Badassery that you (people of the interwebs) will LOVE…. hopefully.
So with that, I shall bid you a fond adieu… Now to get back to refreshing my gmail inbox hoping for some hate mail…….
– Koshr: Signing Out. . .